YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship — whether you're ADHD, autistic, or both — intimacy can be one of the most complicated things to navigate. In this episode, Mona Kay & I get real about routines, spontaneity, physical intimacy, and the hidden pattern that quietly undermines intimacy for neurodiverse couples: fawning.
From date night strategies that actually work, to what happens when one partner has learned to tolerate instead of communicate — this conversation goes places most podcasts won't.
🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss our next episode where we continue the conversation. 📩 Send us your questions: podcast@jodicarlton.com
Chapters: 0:00 Teaser 0:42 Intro 1:28 Routines, Structure & the ADHD/Autistic Couples 3:27 Date Night Strategies That Work for Both Partners 7:17 Communicating About Sex — When, How & Why Not During8:42 Physical Intimacy & Predictable Patterns10:43 Codependency, Fawning & People-Pleasing in the Bedroom 11:28 Sex & Vulnerability  18:16 The Resentment Cycle & When Sex Comes to a Halt 18:19 To Be Continued... 18:26 Outro
Find us at www.jodicarlton.com and www.neurodiverselove.com 
👩‍💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd
I’m Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships.
As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet.
My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships.
On this channel, you’ll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind.
📖 Subscribe to The Misunderstood Mind on Substack: https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com  
📅 Book a consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/private-consultation/  
🧠 Explore articles, courses, quizzes & resources: https://jodicarlton.com  
👋🏼 Join our Neurodiverse Relationships community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships
⸻
New here? Subscribe for thoughtful conversations about:
* Autism and ADHD
* Neurodiverse relationships
* Communication and conflict
* Alexithymia and executive functioning
* Narcissistic abuse and personality pathology
* Boundaries, healing, and healthier relationships
Whether you are neurodivergent, love someone who is, or work with neurodiverse individuals and couples, you’re welcome here.
 

Are you neurodivergent and trying to navigate dating? Especially after a divorce? We can relate!
In this episode, my co-host, Mona Kay, and I get real about our personal dating experiences after divorce, the patterns we've learned to recognize in neurodiverse partners, and how to spot toxic, narcissistic behavior.
From info dumping on first dates to sensory quirks in the bedroom, we share candid, sometimes funny, always insightful stories that will help you navigate neurodiverse dating with more clarity, compassion — and better boundaries. Be sure to tune in for Episode 7 to catch the second half of our conversation.
Topics covered: - Spotting neurodivergence (and narcissism) on dating apps - Info dumping on dates — and what to do about it - When autism and narcissism overlap - Alcohol, self-medication & neurodivergence - Sensory sensitivities in romantic and physical intimacy - How to adapt without losing yourself
Timestamps: 0:00 – Teaser: When autism masks toxic behavior 1:24 – Welcome & intro: Meet Jodi & Mona 1:46 – Today's topic: dating, sex & neurodiverse relationships 2:16 – Dating in your 50s and 60s as a neurodivergent person 9:01 – Mona becomes a dating coach for her friends 9:18 – The guy with a strict 2-hour bandwidth for dates 10:35 – Real talk: there was one man who info dumped for 3 hours 11:42 – Tips for autistic daters: giving your partner space to talk 13:57 – Jodi's story: dating someone autistic AND narcissistic 17:24 – Love bombing, triangulation & the "harem" 19:13 – Don't assume it's just autism — key warning signs 20:16 – When you're constantly dysregulated in a relationship 20:49 – Mona's experience: dating an autistic man for almost a year 21:18 – Alcohol & neurodivergence: self-medicating to socialize 21:55 – Needing 6 beers just to go to a restaurant 24:10 – Sensory & intimacy differences: holding hands, kissing 28:10 – Eye contact during intimacy — an honest conversation 29:38 – The cold water toothbrush moment 30:52 – When sensory reactions feel like rejection 32:07 – Where to find Jodi & Mona
Find Jodi: jodicarlton.com Find Mona: neurodiverselove.com
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and send us your questions!
👩‍💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd
I’m Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships.
As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet.
My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships.
On this channel you’ll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind.
Watch on Youtube: https://youtu.be/0olYTzv_BQ0
📖 Subscribe to The Misunderstood Mind on Substack: https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com📅 Book a consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/private-consultation/🧠 Explore articles, courses, quizzes & resources: https://jodicarlton.com👋🏼 Join our Neurodiverse Relationships community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships
New here?
Subscribe for thoughtful conversations about: * Autism and ADHD * Neurodiverse relationships * Communication and conflict * Alexithymia and executive functioning * Narcissistic abuse and personality pathology * Boundaries, healing, and healthier relationships

Is your relationship struggling because of neurodivergence — or because you're just not compatible? In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay get honest about one of the hardest questions neurodiverse couples face.
In this episode:
The two extremes of autistic commitment: the revolving door and staying forever in a toxic marriage
Why blaming the diagnosis is unfair to your partner AND the neurodivergent community
How compatibility changes when you move in together, get married, or have children
Why traditional marriage therapy often makes things worse for neurodiverse couples
Nesting — the alternative living arrangement helping neurodiverse families find peace
Jodi's personal story of neurodivergent burnout after her kids left for college
How ADHD and autism create opposite conflict styles in the same household
How to ask genuinely curious questions — and why most questions are actually setups
Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, raising a neurodiverse family, or just trying to understand yourself better — this episode will help you stop blaming the diagnosis and start building real understanding.
 
🔔 Subscribe for new episodes
💬 Send us your questions: podcast@jodicarlton.com
 
⏱ Chapters
0:00 Intro — Meet Jodi & Mona
1:33 Episode Begins — Commitment Extremes in Autistic Relationships
2:23 Mona's Story: He Would Have Stayed Forever
2:51 Loyalty, Aversion to Change & Letting Go
4:46 Mona's Coaching Philosophy: Compatibility Over Neurotype
5:49 You Can't Blame It on the Diagnosis
7:05 Compatibility Changes — Moving In, Marriage & Kids
7:53 Nesting: A New Container for the Relationship
9:10 Jodi's Story: Dating After Divorce
9:35 Neurodivergent Family Burnout
14:04 Key Lesson: Understand Yourself & Your Partner
15:00 Jodi's Tip: How to Ask Curious Questions
16:13 Mona's Experience: Check Yourself
17:52 Wrap-Up & Closing

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or like your partner simply couldn't understand why you were upset? You might be experiencing the impact of alexithymia in your neurodiverse relationship.
In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton open up about their own long marriages to neurodivergent partners — and the years of unintentional hurt that came from not understanding why they felt so misunderstood.
In this episode:
-What alexithymia is and why it's so common in neurodiverse relationships- interoception challenges affect emotional communication. -Why your autistic partner may logicalize your emotions — and what they actually mean by it. -The difference between not caring and not knowing -A beautiful listener story about loving an autistic partner with awareness -Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, recently discovered your partner is autistic or ADHD, or are neurodivergent yourself — this conversation will help you feel less alone.
⏱ Chapters 0:00 Intro — Meet Mona & Jodi / About the Show 1:28 Episode 2 Begins — Our Neurodiverse Marriages 2:36 Mona's Story: 30 Years of Unintentional Hurt 3:03 Communication Breakdown: Logicalizing Emotions 4:21 What Is Alexithymia? 5:11 Interoception & the Body-Brain Disconnect 6:18 The Bewildering Reality of Feeling Wrong 7:34 Jodi's Story: Alexithymia Wasn't Our Issue — But... 15:20 Emotional Flooding & Communication Differences 16:45 Writing Novels He Wouldn't Read 18:13 Listener Comment: "He Was the Best Partner I've Ever Had" 19:46 Unintentional Hurt & Looking Through Different Lenses 21:30 Outro — Find Us & Closing
🔔 Subscribe for new episodes every week 💬 Submit your questions and topics in the comments or via our show notes links Find Mona: neurodiverselove.com Find Jodi: jodicarlton.com

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or that your partner just couldn't connect with what you were feeling? In this episode, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton share candidly about their decades-long marriages to neurodivergent partners and the years of confusion, shame, and unintentional hurt that came from not having a name for what was happening.
They break down alexithymia — one of the most overlooked challenges in neurodiverse relationships — along with interoception, emotional flooding, and the communication differences that left both partners feeling unseen. They also share a touching listener comment about what it looks like when understanding finally arrives.
If you've ever wondered why your partner seems to logicalize your emotions, dismiss your feelings, or simply not register your pain — this episode is for you.
 

Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton introduce their new podcast, “Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life,” sharing their backgrounds and why they partnered to create a more personal, casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent. Mona, host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast since 2020, describes discovering her marriage was neurodiverse late in a 30-year relationship, her divorce in 2018, and her related projects, including conferences, a docuseries, conversation cards, coaching, and support groups. Jodi shares how understanding neurodivergence began with her 23-year-old daughter’s autism diagnosis, discovering that her own marriage was neurodiverse after 19 years and a divorce, her work coaching neurodiverse couples worldwide, and her upcoming book, The Misunderstood Mind. They invite viewers to send questions to shape future episodes and note the show will be published on both of their podcast platforms and YouTube channels.
 
00:00 Meet Mona and Jodi
00:35 New Podcast Launch
01:10 Send Questions In
01:28 Why We Teamed Up
02:30 Mona’s Story and Mission
04:55 Jodi’s Journey and New Book
08:37 Show Topics and Healing
11:53 Community and Networks
13:37 Family Patterns and Narcissism
18:47 Bodies Hormones and Health
22:39 Coaching vs Therapy
30:57 Wrap Up and Where to Find Us
_________________
Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love.Visit us:neurodiverselove.com
jodicarlton.com
 

Autism is not a childhood disease. It's not something we catch, acquire in childhood, or grow out of — and the science on this has been clear for decades. In this episode I'm responding directly to the current conversation about what autism is and isn't, and setting the record straight with research, personal experience, and 20+ years of working in this field.
 
I cover what autism actually looks like across the lifespan, what the DSM-5 levels mean in real terms, and why the push to find a "cure" fundamentally misunderstands what autism is. I also speak honestly to families who are struggling at the more profound end of the spectrum — because their experience is real and deserves to be part of this conversation too.
 
Autism is a lifelong, hereditary, natural variation of the human brain. And our world wouldn't be where it is without it.
 
Follow the show so you never miss an episode.
 
➔ Watch on YouTube
 
➔ Read the blog: Autism Isn’t a Childhood Disease—It’s Time We Embrace Neurodiversity at Every Age
➔ Free quizzes, assessments & resources at jodicarlton.com

Neurodivergence has been framed as something to fix for far too long—and that framing is doing real harm. In this bonus episode, I'm talking about the neurodiversity paradigm shift: moving away from a deficit-based model and toward understanding neurological differences as natural variations in the human brain, not personal failures.
 
I share the research, the language that's holding us back, and the personal moment that started my own journey: sitting in a workshop and realizing—with chills—that the speaker was describing my daughter.
 
When we stop trying to fix neurodiversity and start understanding it, everything changes: our relationships, our communities, and how we see ourselves.
 
👉 Watch this episode on YouTube
👉 Read the blog: A New Perspective on Neurodiversity: Understanding Differences Without Judgment
👉 Free assessments and resources

Neurodivergent parenting comes with a kind of exhaustion that's hard to explain—and even harder to admit. As an ADHD mom with an autistic daughter and an ADHD son, I've lived every stage of it: the sensory overwhelm and specialist appointments in the early years, IEP battles and school advocacy in the middle years, and the delicate push toward independence as your kids grow into adulthood.
 
If you've ever felt like you're running on empty, or wondered if any of this gets easier, this one is for you. Part personal story, part permission slip.
 
Follow the show so you never miss an episode!
 
👀 Watch this episode on YouTube
👉 Read the blog: Hey Mama, I See You — Navigating The Exhaustion of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Autism microaggressions are everywhere. And most people delivering them have no idea they're causing harm.
"You don't look autistic.""We're all a little autistic." "You're too articulate to be autistic."
These comments feel like compliments. For autistic individuals, their partners, and their families, they land like paper cuts—small, accumulating, and quietly damaging over time.
In this bonus episode, I unpack why these well-meaning comments are so harmful, how confirmation bias and outdated stereotypes lead even professionals to dismiss autistic people, and what masking is really costing the people we love. I also share something my daughter—diagnosed autistic at five, and told repeatedly that she doesn't look it—asked me to read on her behalf.
Autism doesn't have a look, but it does deserve to be seen. 💙
 
➔ Watch this episode on YouTube
➔ Read the blog: Autism Microaggressions: Why "You Don't Look Autistic" Does More Harm Than You Think
➔ Free assessments and resources