YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton

Is It Autism or Incompatibility? What Neurodiverse Couples Need to Know

Is your relationship struggling because of neurodivergence — or because you're just not compatible? In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay get honest about one of the hardest questions neurodiverse couples face.
In this episode:
The two extremes of autistic commitment: the revolving door and staying forever in a toxic marriage
Why blaming the diagnosis is unfair to your partner AND the neurodivergent community
How compatibility changes when you move in together, get married, or have children
Why traditional marriage therapy often makes things worse for neurodiverse couples
Nesting — the alternative living arrangement helping neurodiverse families find peace
Jodi's personal story of neurodivergent burnout after her kids left for college
How ADHD and autism create opposite conflict styles in the same household
How to ask genuinely curious questions — and why most questions are actually setups
Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, raising a neurodiverse family, or just trying to understand yourself better — this episode will help you stop blaming the diagnosis and start building real understanding.
 
🔔 Subscribe for new episodes
💬 Send us your questions: podcast@jodicarlton.com
 
⏱ Chapters
0:00 Intro — Meet Jodi & Mona
1:33 Episode Begins — Commitment Extremes in Autistic Relationships
2:23 Mona's Story: He Would Have Stayed Forever
2:51 Loyalty, Aversion to Change & Letting Go
4:46 Mona's Coaching Philosophy: Compatibility Over Neurotype
5:49 You Can't Blame It on the Diagnosis
7:05 Compatibility Changes — Moving In, Marriage & Kids
7:53 Nesting: A New Container for the Relationship
9:10 Jodi's Story: Dating After Divorce
9:35 Neurodivergent Family Burnout
14:04 Key Lesson: Understand Yourself & Your Partner
15:00 Jodi's Tip: How to Ask Curious Questions
16:13 Mona's Experience: Check Yourself
17:52 Wrap-Up & Closing

The Sound of My Voice Was Hurting Him: Compatibility in Neurodiverse Relationships

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or like your partner simply couldn't understand why you were upset? You might be experiencing the impact of alexithymia in your neurodiverse relationship.
In this episode of Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton open up about their own long marriages to neurodivergent partners — and the years of unintentional hurt that came from not understanding why they felt so misunderstood.
In this episode:
-What alexithymia is and why it's so common in neurodiverse relationships- interoception challenges affect emotional communication. -Why your autistic partner may logicalize your emotions — and what they actually mean by it. -The difference between not caring and not knowing -A beautiful listener story about loving an autistic partner with awareness -Whether you're in a neurodiverse relationship, recently discovered your partner is autistic or ADHD, or are neurodivergent yourself — this conversation will help you feel less alone.
⏱ Chapters 0:00 Intro — Meet Mona & Jodi / About the Show 1:28 Episode 2 Begins — Our Neurodiverse Marriages 2:36 Mona's Story: 30 Years of Unintentional Hurt 3:03 Communication Breakdown: Logicalizing Emotions 4:21 What Is Alexithymia? 5:11 Interoception & the Body-Brain Disconnect 6:18 The Bewildering Reality of Feeling Wrong 7:34 Jodi's Story: Alexithymia Wasn't Our Issue — But... 15:20 Emotional Flooding & Communication Differences 16:45 Writing Novels He Wouldn't Read 18:13 Listener Comment: "He Was the Best Partner I've Ever Had" 19:46 Unintentional Hurt & Looking Through Different Lenses 21:30 Outro — Find Us & Closing
🔔 Subscribe for new episodes every week 💬 Submit your questions and topics in the comments or via our show notes links Find Mona: neurodiverselove.com Find Jodi: jodicarlton.com

Alexithymia in Neurodiverse Relationships: My Emotions Didn't Make Sense to Him

Have you ever felt like your emotions were wrong — or that your partner just couldn't connect with what you were feeling? In this episode, Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton share candidly about their decades-long marriages to neurodivergent partners and the years of confusion, shame, and unintentional hurt that came from not having a name for what was happening.
They break down alexithymia — one of the most overlooked challenges in neurodiverse relationships — along with interoception, emotional flooding, and the communication differences that left both partners feeling unseen. They also share a touching listener comment about what it looks like when understanding finally arrives.
If you've ever wondered why your partner seems to logicalize your emotions, dismiss your feelings, or simply not register your pain — this episode is for you.
 

Late Discoveries, Lifelong Lessons | Mona Kay & Jodi Carlton

Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton introduce their new podcast, “Navigating Neurodiverse Love and Life,” sharing their backgrounds and why they partnered to create a more personal, casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent. Mona, host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast since 2020, describes discovering her marriage was neurodiverse late in a 30-year relationship, her divorce in 2018, and her related projects, including conferences, a docuseries, conversation cards, coaching, and support groups. Jodi shares how understanding neurodivergence began with her 23-year-old daughter’s autism diagnosis, discovering that her own marriage was neurodiverse after 19 years and a divorce, her work coaching neurodiverse couples worldwide, and her upcoming book, The Misunderstood Mind. They invite viewers to send questions to shape future episodes and note the show will be published on both of their podcast platforms and YouTube channels.
 
00:00 Meet Mona and Jodi
00:35 New Podcast Launch
01:10 Send Questions In
01:28 Why We Teamed Up
02:30 Mona’s Story and Mission
04:55 Jodi’s Journey and New Book
08:37 Show Topics and Healing
11:53 Community and Networks
13:37 Family Patterns and Narcissism
18:47 Bodies Hormones and Health
22:39 Coaching vs Therapy
30:57 Wrap Up and Where to Find Us
_________________
Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love.Visit us:neurodiverselove.com
jodicarlton.com
 

Is Autism a Childhood Disease? What the Science Actually Shows

Autism is not a childhood disease. It's not something we catch, acquire in childhood, or grow out of — and the science on this has been clear for decades. In this episode I'm responding directly to the current conversation about what autism is and isn't, and setting the record straight with research, personal experience, and 20+ years of working in this field.
 
I cover what autism actually looks like across the lifespan, what the DSM-5 levels mean in real terms, and why the push to find a "cure" fundamentally misunderstands what autism is. I also speak honestly to families who are struggling at the more profound end of the spectrum — because their experience is real and deserves to be part of this conversation too.
 
Autism is a lifelong, hereditary, natural variation of the human brain. And our world wouldn't be where it is without it.
 
Follow the show so you never miss an episode.
 
➔ Watch on YouTube
 
➔ Read the blog: Autism Isn’t a Childhood Disease—It’s Time We Embrace Neurodiversity at Every Age
➔ Free quizzes, assessments & resources at jodicarlton.com

Neurodivergence Isn't a Problem to Fix: From Disorder to Difference

Neurodivergence has been framed as something to fix for far too long—and that framing is doing real harm. In this bonus episode, I'm talking about the neurodiversity paradigm shift: moving away from a deficit-based model and toward understanding neurological differences as natural variations in the human brain, not personal failures.
 
I share the research, the language that's holding us back, and the personal moment that started my own journey: sitting in a workshop and realizing—with chills—that the speaker was describing my daughter.
 
When we stop trying to fix neurodiversity and start understanding it, everything changes: our relationships, our communities, and how we see ourselves.
 
👉 Watch this episode on YouTube
👉 Read the blog: A New Perspective on Neurodiversity: Understanding Differences Without Judgment
👉 Free assessments and resources

Neurodivergent Parenting: The Exhaustion No One Talks About

Neurodivergent parenting comes with a kind of exhaustion that's hard to explain—and even harder to admit. As an ADHD mom with an autistic daughter and an ADHD son, I've lived every stage of it: the sensory overwhelm and specialist appointments in the early years, IEP battles and school advocacy in the middle years, and the delicate push toward independence as your kids grow into adulthood.
 
If you've ever felt like you're running on empty, or wondered if any of this gets easier, this one is for you. Part personal story, part permission slip.
 
Follow the show so you never miss an episode!
 
👀 Watch this episode on YouTube
👉 Read the blog: Hey Mama, I See You — Navigating The Exhaustion of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Autism Microaggressions: The Real Cost of "You Don't Look Autistic"

Autism microaggressions are everywhere. And most people delivering them have no idea they're causing harm.
"You don't look autistic.""We're all a little autistic." "You're too articulate to be autistic."
These comments feel like compliments. For autistic individuals, their partners, and their families, they land like paper cuts—small, accumulating, and quietly damaging over time.
In this bonus episode, I unpack why these well-meaning comments are so harmful, how confirmation bias and outdated stereotypes lead even professionals to dismiss autistic people, and what masking is really costing the people we love. I also share something my daughter—diagnosed autistic at five, and told repeatedly that she doesn't look it—asked me to read on her behalf.
Autism doesn't have a look, but it does deserve to be seen. 💙
 
➔ Watch this episode on YouTube
➔ Read the blog: Autism Microaggressions: Why "You Don't Look Autistic" Does More Harm Than You Think
➔ Free assessments and resources
 

ADHD in Marriage: Accommodations & Sleeping Apart – Part 2

ADHD relationships don't come with a manual—but Part 2 of my conversation with Jana and Matt gets as close as anything I've recorded. We zoom in on what actually helps neurodiverse couples move from "you're doing it wrong" to clear, workable requests, and why old scripts keep running even after real growth.
 
Jana shares two practical accommodations that changed everything for them: adjusting seasoning so everyone can eat comfortably, and normalizing separate sleep spaces to protect deep rest. Matt explains why requests land so differently than criticism—and how problem-solving as a team builds connection, trust, and day-to-day ease.
 
Missed Part 1? Start there first 🎧
 
Watch this episode on YouTube
Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community

ADHD in Marriage: Nervous System Regulation & Conflict – Part 1

ADHD / neurotypical relationships come with a specific kind of friction—and nervous system dysregulation is often at the center of it. In Part 1 of my conversation with Jana, an ADHD resilience coach, and her husband Matt, a neurotypical engineer, we unpack the "thinker/feeler" dynamic, the pursuer–retreater cycle, and what it looks like when dysregulation hijacks a hard conversation.
 
We get into the practical tools that helped them shift the pattern: active listening, pausing for your "best self," and one surprisingly effective strategy—recording tough conversations to spot misunderstandings and reset the narrative.
 
Ready for Part 2? Listen here.
 
Watch this episode on YouTube
Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community